Estate planning is a sensitive topic of conversation, but a necessary one when it comes to making provisions for the future, for both you and your loved ones.
It can be difficult to know how to approach the subject of legacy with family members, which leads many people to avoid it completely. This may be a short-term solution, but in the long term, it can leave loved ones feeling confused and even angry when your plans are revealed later, possibly at a time when your family is already grieving.
This doesn’t have to be the case, however. With the right approach, talking about estate planning can be a positive experience for you and your family. Here's some advice on how to approach the subject of legacy in a way that’s beneficial for all.
Be proactive
Starting the conversation early, before a crisis or health issue arises, is the best way to introduce your estate plans to your family. This way, everyone has time to digest the information you’re sharing, consider their own thoughts and feelings, and discuss them reasonably, without attaching any additional worries or personal concerns to the conversation.
It’s also important to make your family members aware of any changes to your estate plans as and when they arise. Emphasise that it is a living document and reassure them it can be amended and updated at any time should current circumstances change.
Be positive
It’s understandable that some people find the idea of discussing estate planning difficult and even morbid. Focusing on its importance, and the benefits of talking openly about legacy, is a good way to bring the conversation round to a more positive light.
You could begin by explaining that estate planning is about protecting assets, providing for loved ones, and ensuring the whole family has peace of mind, now and in the future. You can find more information on the benefits of estate planning here.
Be considerate
Choosing the right time and place to discuss your estate plans with family members is an essential part of ensuring it’s beneficial for all involved. Try to arrange a time when everyone can come together in a relaxed way, and make sure you let them know your intention is to talk about your estate, so no-one is caught by surprise; they will appreciate having the chance to prepare questions and approach the conversation with the right mindset.
Meeting in a neutral place, like a café or park, is helpful for some people as it can alleviate some of the discomfort and feel less pressurised. Other people may prefer to meet in a quiet, comfortable room at home. Providing refreshments will also help ease any tension and make the conversation feel more like a family catch-up.
Be sensitive
No matter how you approach the conversation about estate planning with your family, it’s important to remember that you are not responsible for how other family members react, and that you cannot predict their feelings or behaviour. You can, however, accept their reaction for what it is and respond to it in a sensitive way.
If anyone becomes overwhelmed, angry, or upset during the conversation, suggest taking a break or even postponing the rest of the discussion for another day, in a calm and sensitive manner. While it may be more convenient for you to talk about all your estate plans in one go, forcing the conversation will cause it to become an issue and be counterproductive for both you and your family.
Be prepared
A good way to mediate a potentially difficult conversation about estate planning is to involve a neutral third party, such as a professional estate planner or financial advisor. They can help you outline your plans and the reasons for them; answer any questions from family members in an informed way and provide alternative suggestions should the need arise.
Here at Omni Lifetime Planning we provide comprehensive estate planning services. Our advisors are on hand to support clients at every step of their estate planning journey, including discussing them with family. You’ll find more on our estate planning services here.
Be open
Although any plans regarding your estate will be your own – and you’ve likely put a lot of thought and consideration into making them, it’s important to approach the discussion with your family with an open mind.
Listen to your family’s concerns, consider their questions, and be open to feedback. Be prepared to address any potential conflicts that may arise and accept that this is an important part of the process.
Making estate planning a two-way conversation with your loved ones can be surprisingly beneficial. You may find they raise issues you haven’t considered before.
Be flexible
If you intend to ask certain family members to act as trustees or executors, be honest about what the role will entail. You may wish to seek guidance from a professional estate planner to clarify this. Accept that it is a big responsibility, and as much as you may wish for certain members to take up the role, they will need time to consider your request. They may also choose to decline.
Try not to put any unnecessary pressure on family members and be prepared to consider alternative arrangements, such as a professional executor or trustee, if this turns out to be the case.
Be transparent
When discussing your estate plans with your family, be transparent about your assets, any debts you may have, and how you plan to distribute your estate. It’s helpful if everyone has access to the same information and is on the same page when it comes to your legacy.
Although you may prefer to discuss some aspects of your estate in more detail with certain family members – and it’s your prerogative if you choose to do so – it’s also important to remember any information that comes to light later has the potential to spark conflict between loved ones.
Be clear
As well as sharing the details of your estate plans, be sure to give clear instructions to relevant family members on how and where to access important documents. This might include your will and any documents relating to trusts you have set up.
Remember, when it comes to family members needing to access these documents, it’s likely to be a stressful and emotional time for them. Making the process as straightforward as possible will provide peace of mind for all.
Here at Omni Lifetime Planning, we provide a comprehensive range of estate planning services. Our advisors are on hand to support clients at every step of their estate planning journey, including discussing them with family members. For more information on our estate planning services.